A-Sides: Exclusive Bill

The following is proof Bill can kill it under any circumstance.

B-Sides: Bill on 'Texas Student TV'

 Enjoy the interview.  Enjoy Bill.  But really - enjoy the moments where this girl starts to feel really uncomfortable.

"Nah - I think she was goin' down on people at that point."

Addendum: May 24, 2010 - Covers, Generations & Ask Bill

OFF THE BAT

Next week - Nick Swardson

Generation:

Generation (from the Latin generāre meaning to beget^[1]), also known as procreation, is the act of producing offspring. In a more generic sense, it can also refer to the act of creating something inanimate such as electrical generation or cryptographic code generation.

A generation can also be a stage or degree in a succession of natural descent as a grandfather, a father, and the father's son comprise three generations. A generation can refer to stages of successive improvement in the development of a technology such as the internal combustion engine, or successive iterations of products with planned obsolescence, such as video game consoles or mobile phones.

In biology, the process by which populations of organisms pass on advantageous traits from generation to generation is known as evolution.

 "Oh, so that's a classy word for fucking...without a condom"

For your pleasure...

SHITTY COVERS

Jim Nabors - You Are the Sunshine of My Life

Bing Crosby - Hey Jude

Dokken

THIS WEEK IN FILM

Bill and Tony Clifton

End of an Era

We can call the last few months the 'dark ages' of the podcast. A rebuilding year even?

The Monday Morning Podcast is now officially sorted on iTunes. Monday's podcast will be recorded and posted on time.

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/bill-burr-the-monday-morning/id372173533

Or just search for "BILL BURR" in the iTunes store.

I really hope this slow down the number of emails I get asking where the podcast is.

B-Sides: Bill on O&A 9/22/09

A Better You

Bill's right about a lot of shit.  But he may have overstated his theory on computers running shit.  It looks like they may just 'fuck you' and make a whole knew you.  A better you.  A better Bill.

Scientists Create First Synthetic Cell, Opening New Era in Biology

"We call it the first synthetic cell," said genomics pioneer Craig Venter, who oversaw the project. "These are very much real cells."

Created at a cost of $30 million, this experimental one-cell organism opens the way to the manipulation of life on a previously unattainable scale, several researchers and ethics experts said. Scientists have been altering DNA piecemeal for a generation, producing a menagerie of genetically engineered plants and animals, but the ability to craft an entire organism offers a new power over life, they said.

Full article Here

Addendum: May 17, 2010 - Hockey, Married Chicks & Arguing with Girls

Commencing Addendinization...

OFF THE BAT

Dan Shaughnessy

THIS WEEK IN FILM

ALSO

Ghost Bike

ASK BILL

Listener:  What are your views on celebrity adoption?
Bill:  Playing devils advocate.  Put a kid in a house with running water and fed him.  'Heathens pray in public'.  But why you gotta hold the kid up on People Magazine.  I'm sick of you people who don't live in LA that think its all plastic.

Listener:  I'm 21 years old and I attend a Big Ten college.  I don't consider myself the greatest looking guy but I make up for it in intelligence.  For the past two years, I've been doing horribly in school dealing with things that are really depressing.  I've had to come up with clever ways to pass classes and not get kicked out of school.  I figured out a way to do little or no work while charming people.  However my lack of foresight is very much evident now as something you saw coming happened.  I fell for my T.A.  While I do try and charm her, be being o attracted to her has fueled my motivation to study.  I go every week to her office hours she holds for students.  It ends up being me and her flirting.  However, maybe its because I'm a male - I didn't notice the wedding ring.  I've been in her class for 4 months, I brought it up saying 'holy shit you're married?'.  She goes, "oh, eh, yeah".  Since this I've been bringing up her husband.  The more I bring it up, the more it seems like she regrets getting married.  What would you suggest doing to feel out the likelihood of this marriage lasting?  If it's clear that it's not, with not much prying done at my part, what do I do to bring up the question of a break up?
Bill:  She wants to bang you.  She's trying to get out.  You shouldn't do it.  You don't know what this girls gonna do.  Bang you in a rainstorm.  So she can go home sopping wet "I just fucked one of my students".  If you're gonna bang her - just fucking bang her. Don't do anything, but if you're gonna - don't date her.  She needs to get an apartment, live by herself for a year and a half, cry it out and then get therapy to see what the fuck is wrong with her.

Listener:  In the end your podcast made a girl cry.  I was out with a close friend and his g/f having some drinks.  The girl says athletes are overpaid.  1. They generate money.  2. Everyone competes, gotta give credit to the best.  Turned into an argument that pro woman don't get paid that much.  Oh you're one of those girls.  Tried to stay out of it.  She said 'say it'.  So it began.  She said she played high school soccer so she knew sports.  (Insert listener's sports resume)  So i said - "I have never played soccer in my life but I can guarantee that I'm better at it than you are."  Then it got to Ed Hardy shirts.  I said girls do like those Ed Hardy shirts, she said they don't.  Then I admitted I think I know more about woman than she does.  Then I quoted Bill Burr.  We have to develop skills to get woman to like us.  Then I said - "how many woman did you try and get to sleep with you?" Turns out she was a lesbian before and started to cry.
Bill:  Did I write this drunk and send it to myself?

(Exhale...)

Bill is late.

RIP Ronnie James Dio

We lost a good one today.  Ronnie James Dio, one of the greatest metal vocalists of all time passed today after a battle with stomach cancer.  Dio fronted his own band Dio, and took over for Ozzy after he left Sabbath.  Now we all know Ozzy was important, but even the members of Sabbath will admit that the music they made with Dio was on another level.  I had the honor of seeing Heaven and Hell (a name that Dio and the other members of Sabbath took in place of Black Sabbath).  

In honor of Ronnie James Dio and his contribution to metal - I hope you all check out the video below.







This next clip comes by way of special request from the Addendum's first Addendite - Seanstle.  Dio was 60 years old in the following clip.  He brings the intensity like Bill will when he's doing his 13th special eighteen years from now.


"Rainbow in the dark defined him.  He was that Rainbow" ~ Seanstle

B-Sides: Bill on Hillman Morning Show 5-6 Part 1

Pretty solid Bill appearance.  

Parts 2&3 to come.

B-Sides: Bill Clip from O&A

MMP: Monday May 10, 2010 - Off the Cuff

This week's podcast requires no Addending.  

This week's priority goes to getting feedback from the Addendites.  After hashing through a few ideas with Bill - we want to hear what you guys want to see on this thing.  There will definitely be some new shit going on in the near future - but for now leave your ideas in the comments below.

NOTE: things you want to see on this page - NOT the podcast.  Ask Bill and Weekly Films will all be back next week.

Product 19

Bill is really happy that we're not heading down a direction of.... oh say 1984 proportions.

"Hey Sweetie - make sure you get enough PRODUCT 19....you didn't eat much of your PRODUCT 20 this morning"

Hack Alert!

So I was just perusing the message boards and saw the following article posted.

Thanks to "+ boots +" - for the heads up.

Examiner.com

If you've ever known a standup comedian, then you're already aware that the stealing of material that takes place from comedy club to comedy club is a big problem: hack comics will regularly rip-off material from other struggling, no-name local comics when they're fresh out of new material; unfortunately, this sorta thing is just part of the process for comedians looking to break out into superstardom.  Not as common is the practice of a hack, local comic stealing material from a comedian who's already made the big-time, primarily because...well, because the comedian that's already famous is usually on TV telling those jokes, so stealing them becomes a tad difficult.  But Nick Madson-- a struggling, hack comic from Iowa-- wasn't ready to take "a tad difficult" for an answer (thanks, Gob Bluth, for that line): he ripped off Patton Oswalt word-for-word, and now Patton's come to collect.  See it for yourselves below, my gentle Examiner readers...

You'll recognize Patton Oswalt from his work on The King of Queens, his voice work as the main character in Pixar's Ratatouille, or perhaps from his kick-ass performance in last year's dark comedy Big Fan.  You'll recognize Colorado's own Nick Madson from...well, from the comedy oblivion he's about to be sent off to.  You see, Madson believed that he'd be able to rip-off Patton Oswalt word-for-word and no one would notice (imagine an even dumber Dane Cook-- if that's possible-- and that's Nick Madson).  Well, not only did someone notice, but Patton Oswalt himself noticed.

Full article here

One thing the article doesn't mention is how this guy claims he was just helping out a friend.  Really buddy?  So you just happen to have head shots?

Addendum: May 3, 2010 - Gingers, Gay Moments & Polar Bear Apocalypse

In case you're new to the world wide web like Bill - I would like to remind you all that you can spell www.theMMPodcast.com - with as any combination of capital or lower case letters you can make.  

Is the domain too confusing?  I mean no one would have wanted to type out www.themondaymorningpodcast.com.  Then again I guess we're all using bookmarks these days.  Which in turn proves that it doesn't matter.  Alright - time to Addendize!

OFF THE BAT

Well Bill corrected himself right into that incorrection.  Paper PLANES Bill - you had it the first time. 

What Bill didn't tell you guys is that he is actually Ginger #4.  Look for the one making the slow motion, silent mouthing of the words - "You told?  You fucking told?" (rose bowl '08 podcast reference for all you rookies)

OVERRATED/UNDERRATED

If you don't have perfect pitch like theIntern and can't figure songs out by ear - here's a tab for Evil Walks.

GAY MOMENT of the WEEK

"Fuck yeah! I love ice cream!"

"It was a gay moment, we brushed hands and then I put a sweet treat in my mouth."

"It's worth grazing another man's hands" - in response to grape-nut ice cream.

OTHER STUFF

Bill said he was going to be on Letterman in May.  It has actually been moved to June.  

More on that next podcast.

Bill goes to Vegas - can' imagine why you wouldn't make that trip....unless you have kids and you're NOT a dead beat parent.

30 on 30 - The U

Way to be Pau...

THIS WEEK IN FILM

ASK BILL

Listener:
Bill - I'm afraid when I'm an adult I won't be able to blaze.  Do you know anyone your age or older who do smoke?
Bill:
Vaporizer - "You always went weed first....  Anyone remember crank?" - nope



Listener:
Bill - What are the rules if I'm opening for the headlining act?
Bill:
Go up and do your act in your allotted time.  You go up - you do your act and you destroy and make it hard for me.  That's the ideal.  There are some headliners out there say don't get dirty and don't fuck with the crowd.  I don't give a fuck how dirty you are - you can come in the green room and sell your shit.  Just do your time.  


Hypotheticals
Listener: 
Bill  - If something happened to your dog and she needed an operation that costs 50 grand - but there was only a 65% chance she'd live - would you do it?
Bill:
Absolutely - I'd pay twice that.  I'd mortgage my place.  She's a pit-bull.   And she'd never do 37 minutes cause she's loyal.

Addendite Spotlight

This week's Addendite 15 minutes of fame goes to a fellow by the name of Dash...

Enjoy the shit out of your day in the limelight.

Where the fuck is the podcast?

I thought about creating this thread last week... and the week before. And I'm not complaining. Bill Bur could break into my house, steal all of my things, murder my dog, and humiliate me sexually in any manner he saw fit, and I wouldn't press charges. In fact, I'd thank him and ask if he needed anything else, 'cause as far as I'm concerned, I owe him.

Is the link just not working for me?

Problems!

Okay - so right now the podcast in unavailable.  Bill is working on it right now.  He's using all of his computer knowledge to make this happen - which means we should have the podcast right about the time Bill commits to marriage or the idea of fathering a human being.

Bill wanted me to share this with you.  It's the album cover from his R&B Single from 1991.  He opened for Two Live Crew on their North American tour and did studio work with Manilli after he broke up with Vanilli.

Little Late

Shit's a little late this week.  Everyone keep your jets cool.

Go Celts!