Addentite Spotlight

from Anonymous: (totally a chick)

why do we have to see angolina jolie's butt? was it really nesessary? how desperate are people, that they'd want to see that? if they really want to see a butt up close & personal, cant they just invite a plumber or a refrigerator repairman over, & see a butt crack live & in person if they really are that desperate to see one?


First off - find me that plumber and/or fridge repair man - I'd love to smash my plumbing on a weekly basis if she's showing up.   Secondly - how else would anyone remember that movie?  From it's edgy look?  or possibly from the fact that it massacred the source material.

Thanks for commenting and hopefully I was able to clear that up.  Here at theAddendum I like give everyone their minute on stage.

B-Sides: Bill on Bob and Tom Part II

Part II

MMP - April 26, 2007 - Live from Bill's Bedroom

OFF THE BAT

Live from Bill's Bedroom and soon via overly edited DVD extras.


Bill makes up for years of mediocre test scores by owning whatever the DMV has to throw at him.




Learn yourself


California Drivers Ed Online Course

Angelina Jolie - for those of you 
did not know Bill was referring to the
cinematically awful Wanted.

CONSPIRACY THEORIES

Skype sex - they're watching you.


You're better off jerking off at the store.  Pay cash for you porn. 


"Turns out Russell Johnson jerked off to a tranny and a midget."

OVERRATED/UNDERRATED

Overrated - A shoe rack.

SHITTY COVERS

iTunes Lift Off

I've received approximately 13,400 emails wondering how to download the podcast.  I have supplied absolutely no solutions to problem.  Bill has also given no insight as to how to make that happen or when it will happen.

This is why we have theAddedum.  

Addendite Alexshap has given us clear - Burr-proof instructions to get that shit on your iTunes. 

More specifically, this is how to fix it.

1. Copy this link:

http://billburr.com/2008/podcastadmin/podcastdata.xml

2. Open iTunes

3. Go to Advanced -> Subscribe Podcast

4. Paste link.

5. Hit OK.

That should do it.

Fantastic.

Other things you can learn on the message boards...

-how to deliver a baby in a tub

-how to manufacture crystal meth

-how to play Cliffs of Dover on the ukulele

B-Sides: Bill on the Bob and Tom Show

Thanks to Carlos for getting this on YouTube.

Here at the Addendum we accept all submissions of Bill appearances.  If you send me clips from Why Do I Do This? or Bill's Pesto bit - you'll be banned from theAddendum indefinitely.  Like Google China.

MMP - April 19, 2010 - Cities and Epic Film

OFF THE BAT

"The second I saw her stupid mother - I knew I wanted out."

Cincinnati wiki

During this period of rapid expansion, citizens of Cincinnati began referring to the city as the "Queen" city. The phrase was cemented in the poem "Catawba Wine" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, who wrote that the city was "the Queen of the West", giving the city its nickname.

 "I owe the public nothing." - J.P. Morgan





Cities according to the Road Warrior - Bill Burr

• New York -Daddy Erect
• Los Angeles - Flat and on its back Mom
• Chicago - Jan Brady
• Boston - Racist San Fran
• Miami - Italian looking cubans
• San Antonio - Texas answer to Sacramento
• Dallas - Hollywood + Ervine 
• Seattle + Portland Oregon + Salt Lake City = Join a cult or live with bears
• Kansas City - Missouri's answer to Milwaukee 
• Cincinnati  - not quite Pittsburgh

Dispute these claims and defend your city on the Message Boards

Matt Cooke getting knocked the fuck out.

Learn about the Underground Railroad

ASK BILL

What's the worst cover song you've heard?  What makes the 14yr old in you wanna lose your shit?

Awful

Awful

THIS WEEK IN FILM

Bill in the UK

Just found this on youtube.

Obviously very solid...

Oh Jesus! - Let them Bang Already!

This gem of a story took place right near my hometown.  In fact he married my buddy's sister.  Not actually married - because that would upset the Holy Moly Himself. No - he was master of ceremony. 

Master of ceremony - not of his domain.  He  was definitely rushing through the vows trying decide which bag of chips he'll buy at the vending machine at the end of the hall at the Super8 in Nashua, NH after he throws a bunch of ones on some disease from Hampton Beach.

PRIEST NABBED IN PROSTITUTION STING CHELMSFORD -- A month ago, the Rev. William Ventura wrote about God's love for people despite their sins.
Yesterday, Ventura, the parochial vicar at St. John the Evangelist Church in Chelmsford, was one of eight men arrested in a prostitution sting at a Nashua hotel.
The operation last Friday night began after police spotted queries on Craigslist, the classified-ad Web site, seeking individuals looking to pay a female for sex.
All eight men face a charge of prostitution, a class A misdemeanor.
At booking, Ventura gave the address of the St. John rectory, 115 Middlesex St.
Ventura, 31, was immediately relieved of his priestly duties, according to a statement from the Archdiocese of Boston.  He voluntarily accepted a leave of absence, and is barred from public ministry.  He was released on bail Friday night. 

 Seriously though - he should be made an example of.  An example of WHAT to do.  

It wasn't a kid right?  At least this guy was looking for a female.  Even a dude woulda been fine - as long as he wasn't contradicting himself with one of those "Come Get Not-Gay" camps. 

The church should be busing in chicks left and right.  That way when people get into the confessional phone booth of secrets - they can follow up their confession with - "you know what I mean - she was like begging for it".  And the priest could say "Amen to that" - and mean it. 

My favorite line:

"I'm very, very shocked," said David Valentino, a parishioner at St. John's for 15 years. "But I guess nothing should surprise me in this day and age, with everything that's going on."

Yeah - ya know - the world has changed a lot.  This 'day and age' we live in where people like to bang and carry out their primal urges - it's crazy.  What next - an age of Darkness where trillions of people are killed?   

How fucking shocked can you be buddy?  The only shocking thing is that the guy didn't show up to a house in the burbs with a Fudgie the Whale ice cream cake.

Fan-fuckin-tastic

Listen - this website is fun to maintain. All the while sitting back and imagining that people give a shit.  But when I see Addentites shitting on each other and calling each other out on the comments - I couldn't be more pleased.

Seriously - there's not enough immature constructive criticism going on here.  I mean we have message boards and comments.  

Don't bullshit me and tell me that every time you listen to the podcast you don't wanna talk back.  At either Bill or a listener's question.  

So do yourself a favor and get off your ass and start participating.  Cause Bill could be shutting this shit down any second.

Either show some love or hate - or accept the fact that you'll be dealing with reruns.

And why is there a picture of Marty McFly?  Because Back to the Future II was on today and I felt like showing some respect. 

Captain Ron and Aladdin are chilling on the DVR - just wait til I break out some classic screen shots of that shit for no reason.

For the Jonesing

If you're jonesing for some MMP - why not go back and listen to a classic.  I lapped this thing 3 times when I was a rookie. 

How about the May 19, 2008?

"I just think if you're gonna be President you gotta get in bed with some shady people...and if ya turn your back on them....you're goin' for a ride in a convertible"

"That's the great thing about a hybrid - ya shut it down like a radio."

"Go fuck yourselves and Manchester United - the goddamn Yankees of soccer."

iTunes Link Here

Podcast Misfire

As some of you have noticed,

"Is it sad that before he said the date on today's posted podcast I knew that I had already heard it?"        -anonymous

...the podcast was a misfire.  Bill punched up the wrong one.

A podcast has been recorded for this week and Bill has been informed.  Keep your jets cool.

To discuss this and any other of Bill's failures punch the comments above.

Podcast

In case you weren't paying attention last week - Bill planned on going to the Masters which means the MMP is going to be a little late this week.  Check his site tonight or tomorrow AM.

(Oh Jesus) Vatican: Time to Start Reporting Rape

I've always been a fan of priorities.  So has the Catholic Church.  I dug up this list in the Vatican library.  This list is almost 750 years old according to the extremely accurate point of view of the Church.

Papal Priorities
1.  Teach about Adam and Eve and the talking demon snake.
2.  Inform future generations of the giant Animal Cruise-line 
3.  Enlighten the masses about God's Mutual Fund and the benefits of investing in Catholic Industries.
4. Counsel the masses and acquire all their secrets in a phone booth.
5. Mention casually in a memo not to bang little boys.

Vatican to bishops: follow law, report sex abuse

VATICAN CITY (AP) - The Vatican responded Monday to allegations that it had concealed years of clerical sex abuse by making it clear for the first time that bishops and other high-ranking clerics should report such crimes to police if required by law.

Victims have charged that the Catholic Church created what amounted to a conspiracy to cover up abuse by keeping allegations that priests raped and molested children secret and not reporting them to civil authorities.

The Vatican has insisted that it has long been the Catholic Church's policy for bishops, like all Christians, to obey civil laws. In a new guide for lay readers posted on its Web site, the Vatican explicitly spells out such a policy.

"Civil law concerning reporting of crimes to the appropriate authorities should always be followed," the Vatican guidelines said.

 In the immortal verbal tendencies of Bill.... 
"If you ________ - then I don't know what to tell ya...."

If you're buying into this shit - I don't know what to tell ya.  I mean seriously, this should make good with all the kids who's innocence and childhoods were destroyed by clinically insane pervs who gain societal respect for NOT banging broads and peddling guilt.

Let me ask this....


Where are all the "God hates fags" people now?  These are the same intellects who give 1/3 of their paycheck to the guy in costume touching their kids.  What's the matter?  You guys only have a problem with eccentric gays?  Those consensual bastards - having gay relations without force or the presence of a child!


And would you trust your kids with the 'Repent: The End is Near!" guy?  Then why would you trust your kid with the 'Repent: Leave your kids and money with me!" guy?

Bill's Movie Takes Number 1 at the Box Office! (almost)

Date Night starring Bill Burr, Olivia Munn and two moderately important members of the NBC family were involved in some box office controversy this weekend.

UPDATE 1-'Date Night' ekes out disputed box office win

6:04pm EDT

* Disputed box office victory for "Date Night"

* Other studios give edge to "Clash of the Titans" (Recasts lead; in paragraphs 8-9, updates with $54 million foreign sales for "Clash of the Titans")

By Dean Goodman

LOS ANGELES, April 11 (Reuters) - Television comics Steve Carell and Tina Fey scored a disputed win at the North American box office on Sunday, as "Date Night" narrowly beat last weekend's champion "Clash of the Titans."

The duo's romantic comedy earned $27.1 million during its first weekend, said its distributor 20th Century Fox, coming in at the high end of pundits' forecasts.

"Clash of the Titans" grossed $26.9 million, said Warner Bros. But the studio said it estimated a $26 million weekend for "Date Night." Two rival studios also gave the edge to "Clash," while another said the race was too close to call.

"It does seem a little bizarre that they squeezed it out," Warner Bros. domestic distribution president Dan Fellman said of Fox's estimate. Fox declined to respond.

A clear winner will emerge on Monday when the studios release final data for the Friday-to-Sunday weekend.

Listen - I haven't seen the movie and I probably won't.  None of the trailers feature our Captain and it's pretty obvious if they had, it wouldn't even be close.

The fact of the matter is that since they turned their back on Bill and didn't give him the face time he deserved, I'm recommending everyone watch Why Do I Do This? back to back with the 1999 remake of The Out of Towners.  This will give you more Bill and  the same amount of two mediocre talents running around NYC getting into trouble.

Objections and suggestions welcome.  Punch the orange above and leave one.

Monday April 5, 2010 - featuring Marc Maron

Marc Maron joins the podcast this week.

Not a lot to Addedinize this week.

Marc's podcast can be found on iTunes as well.  Bill guested on episode 37 of Maron's podcast - check it out.

Remember to check out Bill's upcoming schedule to catch him live. His new material is great, so get out there.

Oh Jesus!

Feds: Christian militia needed to be `taken down' 

DETROIT – It started inside a trailer home in rural Michigan, where a small family gathered before bed for prayer. Years later, the private devotions had evolved into a small militia of "Christian warriors" preparing to fight the Antichrist.

The changes in David Brian Stone's personal theology partly destroyed his marriage, his former wife says, and prosecutors claim they later led him to hatch a plot to kill police officers — a violent act the militia hoped would touch off an uprising against the government.

"The time had come that we needed to arrest them and take them down," U.S. Attorney Barbara McQuade said Tuesday in an interview with The Associated Press.

Prosecutors believe that Stone, 44, of Clayton, is the ringleader of the Hutaree militia, a name the group's Web site says they created to mean "Christian warrior." He was among eight members arrested during a series of weekend raids in three Midwestern states, which federal officials said they carried out after monitoring the group since last summer and learning they planned to launch their attack next month.

If you ever get a chance - read that book in the Bible where Jesus teaches his Apostles (militia) to raise arms.

I mean really - if you're a die hard Christian - shouldn't you just be forgiving the dudes effing with you?  With absolutely NO defense and certainly no offense.

Here are my two favorite parts:

"David would preach out of the Bible," said Donna Stone, who said she was married to David Brian Stone for about six years. "He would start at the beginning of Genesis and go to Revelations. He didn't get into Revelations because we didn't agree on it. David said it was supposed to be different. He had his own views. That's when I thought it was time for me to go."

 Uh - I'm going to go out on a limb and say that David's version of Revelations - that he didn't quite 'get into' - was that he WAS Revelations.  He was coming in to clean up for God like the Harvey Keitel as the Wolf in Pulp Fiction.

McQuade downplayed the role religious ideology played in the group's alleged plans, saying the "most troubling" finding of their investigation into the Hutaree were the details of their alleged plot. Prosecutors have said the militia planned to make a false 911 call, kill responding police officers and then use a bomb to kill many more at the funeral.

 David clearly thought if he killed a bunch of people in the name of Oh Jesus - he would then prompt the second coming - because honestly - who else is going to defend this guy in court besides  the forgive-meister - Jesus Christ.  Even the 30k/year state funded defense lawyers wouldn't take this.  It would have to take someone almighty.

Full article here